What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 07:27
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
I never cut or harmed myself..
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What is your craziest college sex story?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do a lot of autistic people not know how to style their hair?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What is a sermon to talk about men?
I have no regrets .
I could never make a relationship work though!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Has anyone been spanked by their parents after becoming an adult?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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I was 9 years of age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why did the Soviet Jews hate the Soviet Union?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And i lived it daily.
When she asked me how she looked .
It was going to be , some day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Ive learnt so much.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She loved him until the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She found it foreign!.
One cannot live in the past .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My life is so biszare .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
So, i spoilt her more .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She married twice! .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He knew the spot.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We all went to grammer schools
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My family never makes their pension either.
But it wasn’t much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I said to her
Who then, do I blame.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was seconnd youngest,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
I don,t even have a pension.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im still living with it.